Saturday, October 8, 2011

I Tried (sort of): Life/Love Sucks, Need to get over it all!

   "Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea what so ever."

Ciao everyone, 

     So, computers and life hate me lately!  My laptop broke, I got it fixed and it was fine for a couple days, I posted my giveaway (go enter if you'd like a free digital scrapbook software), and then it broke again!  So now I'm stuck using my old computer from when I was like 12.  It freezes every five minutes, is so slow, and drives me nuts!  I still haven't posted the rest of my Italy vacation pictures because, of course, they're all on my laptop.  I will if it ever gets fixed though....better late than never, I suppose.  I also have a bunch of outfit pictures from late August through now, some of which are summery outfits that haven't been posted yet.  Should I post them?  Maybe, we'll see?  On top of my computer issues, college is driving me insane lately too!  There's just so much to do, read, write, study!  I usually only sleep on days when I don't have classes, so I'm so tired and miserable all the time.  All I ever have time to do is go to school, do homework, and go to work.  I can't seem to concentrate at all lately either, not in class, or on anything for too long.  It's probably because I'm so stressed out and for another reason, I'll tell you about in a second.

     Anyway, I wanted to write about something that's been bothering me lately.  I probably shouldn't because who knows who reads this thing... I usually don't talk about this type of thing at all in person or anywhere really (except in somewhat fictional stories I write...which no one sees...yet, thinking about posting some soon...) but what the hell!  So, there's this boy.  I met him in college during freshman year (We're juniors now).  He's sweet, intelligent, adorable, handsome, creative, etc.  He's a writer too, which I love.  I may have found his blog on his Facebook page and read some things he's written, which I thought were really impressive...shhh!  Anyway, we had a couple classes together and we spoke occasionally for in-class assignments or about homework or whatever.  I remember on the first day of classes, we talked about what high schools we went  to and stuff like that.  His dad was actually a science teacher at my high school.  We had both taken four years of the same language, Italian, in high school and were in the same Italian class, among some other classes in college.       

     So, if you haven't guessed, obviously I had/have a crush on said boy. (Am I too old for that term? What else do I call it? Like/Love?)  Because I'm me, I wasn't going to go out of my way to stalk this boy or anything.  I didn't even know what to say to him anyway.  (Have I mentioned I'm obnoxiously shy...well, I am.)  Even if I did say anything, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like me back...I tend to have that problem with boys.  There's always going to be some thinner, more outgoing, girl isn't there?!  I remember one day as we were walking from one class in the morning to the next one, he kind of followed me and started talking to me about something....I can't remember what, probably one of our classes.  I just remember being so excited that he was talking to me, outside of class, that I couldn't breathe.  It gave me this little glimmer of hope that maybe he liked me too until, of course, my brain reminded me that he was just probably being nice...uggh, stupid brain!  

     After that year, I didn't really see him or talk to him much at all.  We have different majors, so we don't have that many classes in common.  I had kind of tried to forget about him until in October of sophomore year he friend requested me on Facebook.  I'm not going to lie to you guys,  I was thrilled!  This meant I had to have crossed his mind for a second, right?!  After my ridiculous heart was done flipping out, my brain again reminded me he was just probably being nice.  People friend request a million people on Facebook all the doesn't usually mean that much, right?  I never said anything to him then, I guess I could have asked him how he was or about school or something...but at the time I guess I couldn't.  So, over the past year, I've occasionally read whatever he posts on facebook or listened to whatever songs he's posted, wishing I could find the courage to say something to him, anything.  Every time he would write something sweet or funny, I'd like him even more.  In the past few months, I've "liked" some of the songs he's posted and some of his status update things but I don't know if he noticed, or even remembers me.  A few days ago, I either lost my mind or finally found the courage to say something to him.  He wrote something about being miserable, which made me sad for him.  I was sitting there staring at my computer screen thinking about if I should say something and what to say for about half an hour before I just typed something and hit enter.  
Here's how that went: Boy: Miserable
                                        Me: Hi______, that's a shame...why so miserable? 
                                        Boy: lousy day  
                                        Me: aww, hopefully tomorrow is better :)
                                        Boy: I get to sleep all day so it probably will be
                                        Me: :) Having time to sleep is always good

     So, it didn't go exactly as I wished it would have, but I didn't really expect it to.  I couldn't think of what to say and probably sounded stupid; he probably thinks I'm nuts.  Whatever, it's not like he's just going to suddenly decide "Hey, I hardly know you, we haven't seen each other in forever, but I love you, let's go out!" lol, I wish!  I'm a little proud of myself for saying something though.  He has no idea how hard it was for me to say anything (terribly shy, especially with boys...ughh!).  Whatever, I'll have to get over it, I suppose.  I'm sure it's some skinny, gorgeous, smart girl that's keeping him up at night writing sweet stories and listening to love songs, not me.  I'll just have to go on pretending his name doesn't make my heart skip a beat, that I don't wish he'd talk to me, and that I don't want him.  All right, I'm officially done being insecure and pathetic now (at least for, I need to focus on school, I'm so much better at that.  I need to stop daydreaming...           

Songs I'm listening to/relating to right now so this post isn't just a bunch of ridiculous words:

Avril Lavigne: "Things I'll Never Say" 
Taylor Swift: "I'd Lie"
Alexz Johnson: "It Could Be You"
Michelle Branch: "Everywhere"
Kate Nash: "Nicest Thing"
Alexz Johnson: "I Just Wanted Your Love"

      Okay, so do I post this??  If I do, apparently I've lost it...Ciao!  Thanks for following, reading, etc...  Hope you're all doing better than me, haha!  Excuse my random pathetic rant.  
Any comments, suggestions, or advice are welcome...Love you all! :)

                                                                                                       Xoxo Gabriella                

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